“My Heavenly Mothers” by Blaire Ostler

Lately, I have been profoundly interested in the concept of apotheosis within the Mormon context, yet I have grappled with envisioning this for a transgender woman like myself. Though I do not have children and do not desire to have any, I nevertheless have motherly instincts. I delight in playing with my partner’s children, cherish holding my friends’ babies at church, and I enjoy holding space for my friends, and I offer motherly love and guidance to my siblings who have always regarded me as a third parent.

To me, the “mother” aspect of the triple-goddess archetype transcends reproduction. I feel this is essential for recognizing the divinity in others, because limiting it to childbirth would diminish the divinity of all women who do not reproduce. Such limitations on women are as ancient as the concept of gender itself, and I refuse to accept such misogyny.

In my quest for peace on this matter, I encountered Blaire Ostler’s poem, “My Heavenly Mothers.” Blaire’s words beautifully capture the ideas that have been percolating in my mind, ideas my cisgender and heterosexual sisters may not need to contemplate. She touches on the motherhood of trans women such as myself, and seemingly takes on a more expansive definition of what it means to be a Heavenly Mother. I see myself reflected in her work, and I am profoundly grateful for this poem.

As Blaire’s website is currently unavailable, I wish to share this exquisite poem here, hoping it might become more accessible to others.

I am a child of Gods.
I have a queer Mother,
and a straight Mother.
I have a bi Mother
and intersex Mother too.
I have two gay Fathers,
along with a trans Heavenly Father
and a trans Heavenly Mother.
I have non-binary Parents as well,
because we all have a place in the heavens.
If children grow up to be like their Parents,
I am no exception.

I inherited divine qualities
from my queer Mother.
Her children were not birthed
between her thighs,
but through a slit in her abdomen.
She sings to her sleeping children,
hoping they will recall her lullaby
when they awake.
She whispers softly,
“I have said ye are gods,
and all of you are children
of the most High.”

Sometimes, my Mothers and I
have long talks late at night.
My lesbian Mothers tell me
about the day they were sealed,
and how women pulled women through veils.
My bi Mother tells me how she pulled all Her
spouses through the veil.
My straight Mother confirms,
“It’s true. I was a witness.”
Their stories make me smile.
None of my Mothers are the same,
but each are connected in a Heavenly Family.

Even my Heavenly Mothers
don’t know for certain
who the first Mother was,
nor if there will there be a last Mother.
Maybe there is no first Mother.
Mothers are birthed
and give birth in an eternal round.
Together they weave the tapestry of eternity.
Mothers within Mothers
create life without end
through godly transformation.
Surely, I am a child of Gods.