I have been working on a plain English version of the Book of Mormon. You can read more about that project here
I just finished 2nd Nephi (I haven’t released it just, still editing), but wanted to give a small section of 2nd Nephi before I release the whole thing. 2nd Nephi 3:29-66 (LDS 2nd Nephi 4:15-35) particularly resonated with me. For context, this is after Lehi’s family arrives in the promised land and Lehi has just died.
I want to give you my version of this text. I also want to give some commentary on it. The bolded numbers (like this) will indicate verses, while bracketed numbers ([like this]) will indicate when I want to give commentary on a part.
Without further ado:
Nephi’s Psalm
29 I love the scriptures and think about them a lot. I enjoy copying them so my children can learn from them. 30 My soul is filled with joy in Divine things, and I constantly think about those things that I have seen and heard. 31 Despite being shown these great and marvelous things, I can’t help but think that I’m not worthy of them. 32 I feel like I’m not good enough because of all of the mistakes I’ve made. 33 I constantly fail to do what is expected of me. 34 I want to be filled with joy, but I am filled with misery because of the mistakes I have made. [1]
Regardless, I trust the Divine. 35 God has been my support though my hardships in the wilderness and kept me safe at sea. 36 I have been completely filled with the Divine’s love which made my body burn like fire. 37 I was protected when my brothers [2] wanted to kill me. God protected me by shocking them.
38 The Divine has heard my prayers in the day and gave me knowledge through dreams and visions at night. 39 Some days when I prayed angels came down and taught me. 40 I was carried away on the wings of the Spirit to high mountain tops. [3] 41 I have seen ethereal things, and writing everything I saw wouldn’t do them justice. [4]
42 If I have seen these great things, including the Divine’s mercy-filled mortal ministry, why am I so depressed? Why can’t I get out of bed? Why do I have no motivation? 43 Why do I keep making mistakes when I already feel terrible? 44 Why do I keep letting the evil one torment me and destroy my peace? 45 Why am I so angry at my brothers?
46 Wake up, my soul! Don’t be depressed anymore. 47 Instead rejoice, my heart, and give no more space for my enemies, my brothers. 48 Don’t be filled with anger because of them! 49 Don’t be depressed because of my hardships.
50 Rejoice, my heart, and pray to the Divine, and say, “Oh God, I will love you forever, because you make me so happy! You are my rock! 51 Will you save my soul? 52 Will you protect me from my brothers? 53 Will you help me not feel angry at them? 54 Hopefully the gates of hell stay shut, because I want to be better. 55 Oh, God! Please don’t shut the gates of your righteousness in front of me! I want to walk the straight and narrow path in the low valley. [6] 56 Oh God, will you wrap me up in your robe of righteousness? 57 Oh God, will you help me escape from my brothers? 58 Will you make the path away from them easy? 59 Please don’t make it difficult. 60 Will you make the path that I should take be clear and easy to take, and make it difficult for my brothers?
61 Oh God, I have trusted you and I always will. 62 I know that humanity’s ignorance can lead to pain. 63 There is pain when you don’t trust the Divine. 64 I know that you give liberally to those that ask. 65 I know that you will give me what I ask for, if I do not ask for the wrong things. That is why I pray to you, my God, the rock of my righteousness. 66 I will always pray to you.”
[1] Nephi is really showing that even though he’s clearly been chosen by God, he doesn’t feel worthy and is depressed.
We need to let go of what we believe being worthy and accept reality for what it is. Let go of unhelpful and wrong perceptions.
[2] This is in reference to 1st Nephi 5:164 (LDS 1st Nephi 17:54). Interestingly the original word used here isn’t brothers, its “enemies”. It seems as if Nephi REALLY started to distance himself from his brothers at this point.
From here on out, I have decided to make it clear that the enemies that Nephi is referring to are his brothers.
[3] This is in reference to 1st Nephi 3:38 (LDS 1st Nephi 11:1).
[4] This used to piss me off. I hate the “sacred, not secret” line. However, I have come to have a new understanding of lines like this.
I have had entheogenic experiences. No matter how eloquent you are, putting it into words will never capture the essence of the experience. Sometimes its not worth the effort to try and describe it.
[5] This is a super powerful verse. Nephi says that he’s seen wonderful things, but he feels depressed and unworthy of those experiences.
He isn’t allowing himself to feel perfectly normal human experiences after going through so many hardships. Its ok to feel grief. Its ok to feel anger. Its ok to feel.
However, Laman and Lemuel are an imminent threat to his and his family’s safety. Nephi feels as if he doesn’t have the luxury to grieve; he must simply get done what he needs to get done. He must return to life as a refugee.
[6] Reference to Lehi’s dream
Yeah. I think its cool how scriptures can depict what depression looks like.