The Short:
- Personal growth is important. Family and friends play an important role is supporting us during these changes.
- I have explored the concepts of “masculinity” and “femininity” and have come to the conclusion that I am a transgender woman.
- Due to lack of safety in Idaho, I am planning on moving to Oregon so I can find peace and happiness.
- While I have decided to keep my name Evan, as I feel it suits me well, moving forward I would like to be referred to using feminine terminology, such as “Grand-Daughter”, “Daughter”, “She”, “Her”, etc.
The Long:
Preface
I believe that personal growth is essential to living a fulfilling life. When I look back on our lives, it becomes clear that every step I have taken has continued to shape me into who I am today.
True friends and family walk alongside us on this journey, cheering us on as we explore, grow, and move toward becoming the best version of ourselves.
Despite my dad’s best efforts, I love you two and am glad that you’re my family. You have always been there for love and support when I needed you. I have no doubt that you will continue to be the good people that you are.
As we continue along our journey, the time has come for me to share a part of myself with you. I have struggled to find the right time or words to tell you, but at this point I feel like I may never have the right words.
Exploration of Myself
A few years ago I spent quite a lot of quality time with Logan to create some good memories and teach him important life skills like how to tie a tie, mow a lawn, shave, etc. Doing this brought us closer, and we started jokingly calling it “Man School.”
While the chief goal of “Man School” was to bond with Logan, I also found myself reflecting on the definitions of “masculinity” and “femininity” and how they relate to myself, which I had never truly explored before.
I sought out different perspectives on what each means, but each definition provided was unsatisfactory, because those qualities could also be displayed in the other gender. It made me realize that femininity and masculinity are both subjective and mean different things to different people.
To me, masculinity has held elements of strength, honor, and respect, while also involving things like sports, cars, guns, and often demeaning others. While I identify with the former, I don’t with the latter, and so to a large degree I feel like I’ve always struggled to fit in with men.
The question for me was then what femininity means to me and whether I identify with it or not. To me, femininity also includes things like strength, honor, and respect, but also involves things like beauty, art, emotional maturity, and grace. These are things that I feel like I have always identified with.
After a year and a half of intense soul-searching, I have come to the conclusion that I feel more connected to femininity than masculinity. I have come to realize that I am a transgender woman. As part of my journey, in January I started taking Hormone Replacement Therapy (“HRT”) and it has been an incredibly positive experience, and I feel much more comfortable and happier than ever.
In short, I am a transgender woman.
Here are some of my favorite pictures that I have taken on this journey:
Anxieties that I have
I do not feel safe living in Idaho as a transgender woman. Unfortunately, this feeling is justified as we have not only seen the murder of transgender women in public spaces, but also have recently seen anti-transgender laws passed.
Violent rhetoric toward people like me is increasingly more common, and every time I leave my house I fear I may become a target. It’s a terrible feeling not being able to freely express myself in the place I have called home my entire life.
This lack of safety is the chief thing driving my desire to move to Oregon. I deserve to live in peace and happiness with a community that accepts and protects me, and I feel like this is more realistic there.
I am thankful that you are moving there as well, so I will have family nearby.
Our Future Interactions
I love having my femininity being recognized and affirmed, and would like to be referred to as “Daughter”, “Grand-Daughter”, “She”, and “Her” from now on. I will be keeping my first name, because I feel like “Evan” suits me well.
I understand that it can take time to adjust to changes in perceptions and habits, but as long as an effort is being made I will be happy. I have seen how you have genuinely tried to call Lovella by her chosen name instead of her birth name, so I know that you will also do the same for me with my gender.
You mean so much to me! I am grateful for our familial bond. I look forward to walking with you for decades to come!