My parents were heterosexual, cisgender, married, and had four children. This is the life they envisioned for themselves, and they diligently pursued it.
As I have grown, I’ve discovered I am pretty different from my parents—I am bisexual, transgender, married in polyamorous relationships, and have no children with little desire to have them. I have indeed carved my own path and become my own person.
Despite living a life so different from the one my parents lived, I am leading an incredibly fulfilling life, rich with self-discovery, love, empathy, and connections to older and younger generations. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything; I am exactly where I need to be and learning the lessons I need to grow into the person I want to be.
My parents are proud of who I have become.
Heavenly Mother and Father are (seemingly) heterosexual, cisgender, married, and having countless children.
For many, exaltation means mirroring Heavenly Mother and Father’s life, and any deviation from this ideal has traditionally cast doubt on a person’s path to exaltation. In practice, this means that entire classes of people – such as many in the Queer community – simply don’t qualify for exaltation.
However, when we look at how earthly parents – like my own – can have children who don’t live similar lives and yet lead fulfilling lives, the traditional understanding of exaltation must also be called into question. I believe we need to disconnect the concept of exaltation from living a prescribed life and instead connect it to a more values-based system that won’t exclude certain classes of people – like myself.
For our heavenly parents to be proud of us, we must treat each other well, grow in wisdom, and improve our character.
So much of Mormon doctrine and theology – of western Christian doctrine and theology – is built upon the idea of one lifetime followed by a judgment that assigns one to heaven or hell, or maybe something in between.
However, if one opens that possibility up to multiple lifetimes, each providing lessons that ultimately, inexorably lead to unity with God, or exaltation, many things fall into place.
In this scenario, there is ultimately only one path – the path to exaltation – and our free will determines how we walk that path. Judgment is merely an assessment of “Ok, where do we go from here”.
I would suggest two books – “A Course in Miracles” and “The RA material – the Law of One”. It will totally be up to you to determine the extent to which either of these books speak truth, but neither of them glorifies judgment, punishment, guilt, vengeance, or fear. Very much the opposite. These are only two possibilities that might open up the idea of exaltation to something that you will find yourself comfortably fitting into.